to 5

    on the 5ives





Do poets tend to die younger than other types of writers? That's the question that's raging in academic circles. Or maybe around universities… raging around universities today. Today, uh, that's the question that psychologists are raging about. Our culture does not value poetry, and it drives poets crazy, raging around academic circles, universities, cultural institutions, uh, the world of poetry today. That's the question that rages around the world poetry today.


Boy, if I don't get this ad copy written I don't know what I'm going to do. I'm going to be up all night. I'll never make that deadline. If only I could get started. Peak precision and uncompromising quality have made these watches instruments for professionals. We are the only watch company in the world whose entire line of watches are Swiss-certified chronometers. I can't seem to figure out where this is going. I'm never going to make that deadline. It should be simple. So simple it looked, so easy at first when I started. All of our watches feature scratch-resistant sapphire crystals and automatic movements, come with a two-year manufacturer's limited warranty, and are water-resistant to 100 meters except where noted. What do you mean it's running long? I am not talking too fast. Randy, what time is it? Oh my God, I'm running out of time.


This is a teast.


How does that story go, a woman is like . . . like an arrangement of bunting and flags . . . the peanut and hot sausage vendors . . . no, no, that’s not it. The other time that I went with, uh, friends of mine to the theater, something strange happened that during intermission I’ll be telling you about. By the way, two men should never escort one woman to a Broadway play. It’s not fair to the audience. The princess came in and she had curves like a racing yacht.

Act 2

Me and the princess were in an olive garden in Chelsea. She was telling me of a dream she had in the not-too-distant future where she had raised a monstrous brood of children—children who know their parents don’t belong in the world and who one day will kill them for it. The princess had very strange dreams as I jumped in my sleep. As I jumped in my sleep I woke up and started writing down this story. Uh . . . where was I? "Quit stalling around, Princess," I said in my story, hefting the .45 in my hand. "I got a big schedule." The princess shrugged. "Tough." "Lots of people look like me," I said, grinning like a reptile, as I jumped in my sleep. I jumped in my sleep and woke up.

Act 3, Scene 2

At 6 o’clock I am in the saddle and by 6:30 I have four drinks under my belt. By 8 I am pickled. Well, I thought, I’m here, and she’s here, and getting impatient. Doctor?

Act 4, Scene 3

Yes, Mr. Carp. Right here. He came across the raffia rug in crepe-soled shoes. He was wearing a tweed suit—a nubby tweed, that rubbed as he moved his arms and legs—and he smelled of after-shave lotion. Where was the princess? The mystery was darkening. The curtain came down.


Sluts in Shoe-Buckles
Our Pounding Fathers
Priscilla Does Plymouth


This lacquered wood zither is delicately rounded with scalloped edges. It features a shallow rosewood sound box over which are stretched five melody strings and two sets of accompaniment strings tuned to produce a sonorous yet clear sound. Comes with two plectrums. The one made from a small thin piece of horn is good for the high notes. The metal plectrum is excellent for plucking the low notes. This zither was featured in Anton Karas's theme music to the film The Third Man (1949). Oh, wait a minute. This isn't a zither, it's a dulcimer. We're supposed to show this thing. Right there. Okay. Start over.