"Members of the Christian Music Trade Association (CMTA), an organization
which specifically represents the interests of record companies, last week
sent official resolutions to Congress asking for support in recognizing
the importance of protecting music transmitted over digital broadcast
radio from piracy." --March 20, 2006 (as reported on www.Breathecast.com)
The latest sectarian discord spilled over into the music industry recently
when the Christian Music Trade Association (CMTA) fired a salvo at the
generally unarmed and God-fearing pirates of gospel music. The dilemma is
this: gospel music, traditionally the province of divine inspiration, is
being proliferated at a rate not seen since Jesus' replication of bread
and fish during his widely bootlegged Sermon on the Mount. Thus, while the
ranks of the believers are swelling, the industry itself is losing
billions every year. The good news is that the Good News is getting out.
Alas, the collection plate is none the richer for the revived interest.
Said an unrepentant CMTA spokesman: "The fact is evangelists got a free
ride for centuries. It's just that, up until now, no one pressed the
copyright issue. The Ipod is forcing us to take a harder look."
Meanwhile that grand dame of the religion business, the Vatican, was quick
to counter the CMTA's assertions, arguing that, on the contrary, free
access to religious music has a market-enlarging effect. Said a Vatican
spokesman: "Over the millennia, it's been the Holy Roman Church's
contention that tithing increases when believers are left to sing for
their suppers unharassed. So we never pressed the issue." Actually, this
is not entirely accurate as, in 467, Pope Odious XIV attempted an 'alms
for psalms' program only to be run out of town into the arms of restless
Visigoth hordes who preferred bluegrass.
Still, there can be no doubt the CMTA isn't turning any cheeks: "Our
industry group feels the time has come to crack down. The message is
clear: wherever you rejoice in the Lord with unauthorized recorded music,
we will hunt you down."
It's worth noting there are some reports, albeit in indecipherable ancient
tongues, that God is still mulling His legal options. However judging by
the alacrity of the avian flu mutations --not to mention the recent tidal
wave of tsunamis-- many heaven-watchers suspect serious biblical wrath
just ahead. Indeed church sanctuaries are abuzz with rumors that God is
contemplating, in the salty words of one clergyman, 'a really kick-ass
flood that would bury all property disputes --indeed the whole of
civilization-- at the bottom of the sea.'
Reached between rehearsals for a re-match with Charlie Daniels, a fiddling
Lucifer could only click his cloven hoofs and mutter, "This job's getting
too damned easy."
Amen and out.