SUBJECT>Re: Dead Tears POSTER>tina EMAIL> DATE>Wednesday, 4 October 2000, at 3:13 p.m. IP_ADDRESS> REMOTE_HOST: ; REMOTE_ADDR: 208.226.184.166 PREVIOUS>20537 NEXT> IMAGE> LINKNAME> LINKURL>


Hi Gary,

"Unreal undead" was one of my favorite lines (hey, I think I read that one.) Indeed, I think He weeps.

I'm one of those who don't favor questions in poems, or at least think they're hard to include effectively.
I felt your conclusion was weakened a bit by your use of them here.

Generally good work though. Not much in the way of
syntactic nits from me.....ok, maybe one or two. :-)

regards,
Tina

> Dead Tears

> God cried today,
> [he} cried bullets and blood.
remove "he" or cap the "H" ,/i>
> We saw brass and steel
> tear through children
like the echoe of crying with tear as rending here, but reminds me of crying in previous lines

> and fathers
> and wives
> and other innocents,
not sure about "other innocents" here, seems expository and unnecessary
> but we did not see tears.

> Those who heard God cry
> thought it was the wind rising
> or thunder
> or mountains moving
> as they moved thousands of years ago.
> We have forgotten
> how God cries;
> we have forgotten how to listen
> for his pain.

> *

I like the abrupt change in POV here, it is striking

> I stopped to buy a book today,
> an overwritten novel about oversexed vampires
>
> or some unreal undead.
> Once I would have made the purchase
> without another thought
> (though the book may have remained unread).
>

> Today, I passed it by.
> I did not want to see God weep.

> *

> When will it rain?

> When did jays replace the doves?

> Will there be enough winter left to carry
> us to spring?

> If all the trees are bare in the morning,
>
> will we be able to see far enough?
>