SUBJECT>Re: After the Film POSTER>Laurel EMAIL> DATE>1107565698 EMAILNOTICES>no IP_ADDRESS>cpe-204-210-183-225.neo.rr.com PASSWORD>aaFRbor6/KzWk PREVIOUS>83053 NEXT> 83174 IMAGE> LINKNAME> LINKURL>

Flick instead of film, maybe?

And, I know you won't but I'd tag on a line at the end--yes, I'd write beyond the ending because right now, it feels too safe, too pat. Something about proceeding to discuss at length Cheadle's chances of winning the Oscar.

I usually like second person--hell, there was a time when I wrote nothing but second person poems--and I understand your choice of its use here---it does serve very effectively to point a finger at the reader. YOU, it's saying. YOU who donated 5 bucks to the tsunami fund and have already forgotten that disaster since it's fallen off CNN's daily rotation. I almost kinda sorta wish this was first person. But the second person does do its job, so I'll shut up.

I almost wanted "souls"--one million souls, instead of people. I know you won't go for that. Still, it never hurts to say, what if this and what about that, right? Even if all it's good for is a laugh. (grin)

Was this an easy poem for you to write? I was going to begin this crit by saying how refreshing it was to read a Metz poem that expressed itself outside the typical, expected, wise-ass, colloquial, elbowing, diction-specific, hyphenated voice....but at the same time....I almost kinda miss it. (I know, I know, I want it both ways.) The reaosn I asked if this was easy for you to write is because it doesn't feel as crafted as some of your stuff, which isn't to say I don't think you didn't put in alot of work. But I almost feel like this poem needs a counterpoint although I can't say quite what that counterpoint out to be.

Oh, and hey, the reluctant feminist in me was less than happy with the husband explaining the event to his wife. Honestly, that irked me.

Laurel

: AFTER THE FILM

: you take pains
: to explain to your wife, in detail
: far surpassing mastery of fact,

: exactly why those nasty Hutus
: slaughtered the Tutsis, making sure
: to place sufficient blame on Belgian
: colonialism,
: and pointing out how the faction of
: slaughterees

: ended up winning the war
: due to superior military organi-
: zation and discipline, not to mention
: French weapons. You mention

: with no small amount of pride
: that you followed the situation
: pretty darned close at the time

: in the Times, though many of the specifics
: had since escaped you, it was so long ago,
: so you are thankful to the director
: for refreshing your memory
: and indignation. When she asks

: who is in charge now, and how are things
: going?
: you suggest Nick Nolte might have over-acted.

: She agrees that a million
: is a lot of people even in Africa,
: and you can’t help but observe that
: machetes are more powerful than tsunamis,

: making mental note
: to save the quip and attendant
: shake-of-head for tomorrow’s party.
: Climbing into the Volvo, you both pledge
: to get up to speed on this whole Sudan thing.