SUBJECT>Re: Madeline Island POSTER>Hannah EMAIL>hrcraig@gmail.com DATE>1107662660 EMAILNOTICES>no IP_ADDRESS>dsl-198-144-43-33.city-net.com PASSWORD>aamfaEF9hh1V6 PREVIOUS>83074 NEXT> IMAGE> LINKNAME> LINKURL>

TE-

I, too, thought the over-use of "she" and "her" dulled the rhythm of the poem, and probably most of them aren't necessary. For similar reasons, the lack of variation in sentence syntax (particularly in the opening of the sentences) possibly could be addressed.

: She is studying the place where flies
: have gathered to lay their eggs, eyes sinking
: into the belly of a fish.

It's confusing who those eyes belong to. Are the child's eyes "sinking into the belly of a fish." The flies' eyes? Or are the fly eggs LIKE eyeballs in the belly of a fish. If this is a complicated way of saying that she notices/sees a fish...I think the language could be changed just slightly and this would be easier.

: She’s investigating
: life with the point of her stick, one small
: flick
: and the universe is over. The trout returns
: to the pond belly up, floats, turns(,)
: and now is a boat to be guided
: by six year old currents. When she is done
: she’ll gather flat stones from the shore(,)
: bury then unbury the dead, looking for signs
: of movement or change. It does not matter
: that everything is dying. Last week
: two wings beat in her hand then
: stopped [speaking]. She does not know
: that the round song of her body
: will straighten. All around
: the world is open like a cut.

Thanks for the opportunity to read and respond, TE.

-Hannah