SUBJECT>Re: Madeline Island POSTER>Laurel EMAIL> DATE>1107709660 EMAILNOTICES>no IP_ADDRESS>cpe-204-210-183-225.neo.rr.com PASSWORD>aaFRbor6/KzWk PREVIOUS>83074 NEXT> IMAGE> LINKNAME> LINKURL>

An edit for you to consider or ignore (grin):

She's studying the place where flies
have gathered to lay their eggs, eyes sinking
into the guts of a fish. She’s investigating
life with the point of her stick--one small flick
and the universe is over. The trout returns
to the pond belly up, a boat to be guided
by six year old currents. When she's done
she’ll gather flat stones from the sand,
bury then unbury the dead, looking for signs
of change and movement. It doesn't matter
that everything is dying. Last week
two wings beat in her hand then
ceased to speak. She doesn't yet know
that the round song of her body
will straighten. All around
the world is open like a cut.

T, the changes I made were small and mostly in the interest of consistency (with the contractions, although honestly, I've mixed and matched contracted and uncontracted verbs before, so I don't have a realy problem with the mixture here), rhythm and sonics. My biggest nit was with the blatant stating of the fish transformed to boat. I wanted the poem to be a bit subtler there. I initially hesitated on those ing verbs, studying and investigating, but upon changing them to studies and investigates, I found those lines lost their rhythm, so I agree with your choice.

Overall, I enjoyed reading the poem. I especially like the ending lines about her round song straightening and that world as a wound.

Laurel