SUBJECT>Re: provisioanl eternity through undisclosed freew POSTER>Yoly EMAIL> DATE>1107815756 IP_ADDRESS>CFGW78.mybrighthouse.com PASSWORD>aaiEZds5BDMEY PREVIOUS>83151 NEXT> IMAGE> LINKNAME> LINKURL>

Hi laurel-

We must have been drinking the same potion. ; )
You have a good eye for making the same poem seem more interesting.
I like what you did.
Thank you!

Peace,
Yoly

: I think the poem begins here: one of your two
: confessions: scars on women
: are breathaking

: Which, btw, I'd italicize instead of enclosing
: in quotes.

: I'm not sure why this is in quotes: your stare
: pricks unfathomably long bleeds me out of
: what--soul?

: That puzzled me. Didn't sound like a line being
: spoken.

: I'd be sorely tempted to cut the soul from that
: line and end it on what: bleeds me out of
: what?

: I like this alot: embody a god knockoff.

: That's just plain good.

: Oh, and hey, another nit as I reread. Maybe put
: the modifier after the dolls?

: Oh, heck, this is why I just offer an edit.
: It's so much easier. Here: one of your two
: confessions: scars on women
: are breathaking

: i remind you of dolls, stripped,
: unowned, one eye savagely opened, sharp as ice.

: your stare pricks unfathomably long,
: bleeds me out of what?

: or so you call one up to you
: from alternate heaven, embody a god

: knock-off, ask am i opened
: to undisclosed freeways

: Cool poem, Yoly. Strange. But cool. I just read
: Bill's the Ryan's then yours. What a strange
: progression of poems.

: Laurel