SUBJECT>Re: Roadkill POSTER>Hannah EMAIL>hrcraig@gmail.com DATE>1108575250 EMAILNOTICES>no IP_ADDRESS>fgw.msa.com PASSWORD>aamfaEF9hh1V6 PREVIOUS>83463 NEXT> IMAGE> LINKNAME> LINKURL>

Mike-

Strangely enough, I was just chatting earlier today about Stallings’ Vulture/Road-Kill poem, so the subject is somewhat close to the surface. While I like the last strophe of your poem, well-written even if, perhaps, slightly unclarified (have you truly earned the assumption that “a fox is a thing without allegory?” not that this matters much; it’s a good line), I didn’t like the first two strophes.

In the first strophe, I found the language overdone and missing that fine pitch and balance that makes S3 so readable. Some of the word-choices seemed forced; “skeined” for instance, is a bit of a reach. The tongue being “too dry for grooming” is grotesque, yes, but not sure it adds much to the moment (why does the tongue of a dead animal being unsuited for grooming really matter?) The choice to complete two of those first lines with abstractions…”ridiculous” and “obscene” is, perhaps, a decent elocution of the overall problem with this strophe…its inability to simply draw the scene and allow the language, alone, to do the work of painting something as “ridiculous” and “obscene.”

This problem continues into the second strophe, which I found utterly superfluous. If the poem, itself, can’t isolate and recreate the concept of shock, disgust, and morbid fascination…why do you think that saying, bluntly, “man, I was shocked, disgusted, and morbidly fascinated” is going to improve the poem? The only thing here that seems worth keeping is the reference to ‘story’ (which sets up the allegory line)…but surely it can be inserted into the poem without the pained “relive the glimpse/and wonder at its story?”

Third strophe = yes. For me, anyway. Might consider…’as a car is a thing without soul’ (the three a’s started to mess me up) and…maybe…possibly…eep…maybe just ”distance between me and the dead.” (which I think pulls in a better or more concise sense of being/mortality).

Thanks for posting and giving me the opportunity to read and respond.

-H