SUBJECT>Re: short poem, long title POSTER>David Ayers EMAIL>ayersd@bellsouth.net DATE>1109007976 IP_ADDRESS>167.230.38.115 PASSWORD>aad8wJMWsCmq2 PREVIOUS>83582 NEXT> IMAGE> LINKNAME> LINKURL>

Carol, thanks.

You know, I have mixed feelings about the speaker's whole 'stance' in this piece. Which comes out in the tone, I guess, his (or my) attitude towards the subject. Should it be ironic, sincere, or what? Do I want it to be read tongue-in-cheek, or just cheeky?

So far I haven't been able to decide. But your suggestions would go a long way towards clearing that up, definitely.

A note on New Orleans: that was a last-minute addition, almost an afterthought. For the blues I guess. But I recall from a cemetery tour I took there a few years ago, it's almost impossible to bury people in the ground because it's so close to sea-level. So, something against repression, or something.

But yet irony. Sublimation. I agree it's conflicted.

--Dr Jekyl

: Inlines, D.

: noi
: ---I think the Hallmark echo, even though
: deliberate, predisposes the reader to read
: this poem as "light."

: ---There is a bad echo for me here--a hangover
: from a snarky comment on one of my poems by
: ***** who said that any poem that begins
: with "She" is certainly novice
: work. Since I know you are not a novice, I
: merely bring this to your attention in the
: event it's so.
: ---Now, getting past the personal, the ice
: image is effective and I like it paired with
: the ceiling. At first I thought a face at
: the window, and then a face under a pond
: surface, then last, to conflate the ceiling
: and the ice. It rarely freezes in New
: Orleans which causes a little problem.
: "You may, too." seems a too
: directive and doesn't bring the reader into
: the poem but out of it.
: ---Love it.
: ---Scrub the last line. It's a bow to wrap the
: poem.