SUBJECT>Re: For The Birds at the Chinese Market Who Sing POSTER>Hannah EMAIL>hrcraig@gmail.com DATE>1109288499 EMAILNOTICES>no IP_ADDRESS>fgw.msa.com PASSWORD>aamfaEF9hh1V6 PREVIOUS>83832 NEXT> 83837 83838 IMAGE> LINKNAME> LINKURL>

T-

I thought I might get a chance at this one. Hoped. Thought. Whatever.

I really like it a great deal—perhaps one of my favorite pieces of yours in recent time. The title is exacting—the images, for the most part, very strong. And there is a keen sense of balance between the business of “telling” (“filling the boy with wonder” “I envy you” “silent with waiting”) and language the refracts the strong central image into small component parts.

I don’t know how married you are to the initial caps and the inconsistent use of punctuation, but I think the way the clauses run into one another, nestle against one another…might be suited to not using initial caps (just a thought) and that a few judicious full-stops and commas would do all sorts of cool things for the phrasing. I won’t suggest the specifics—since I don’t know if you want to entertain the notion or not.

I would cut the “there” after “flutters.” That short-break which would, then, allow the word “flutter” to literally hang…mmhmm, that works for me.

I do not care for the break in the narrative where the boy goes from the interaction with the box to the interaction with his friends. Perhaps you would consider eliminating the line “He calls his friends to explore” completely…so that it just goes right into “The lid returns, each note/stops begins again and the boy.” Singular on “lid” seems right.

And, eep. Ok. One last thing, please don’t kill me. Consider ending on just “Yet you sing when the box/Is open.” I don’t need/want the final envy and I like the “openness” of the ending (it has an interesting play into Pandora’s box…which made me think of Hope, which made me think of “hope is the thing with feathers” and then I just had to suggest this).

In any case. Enjoyed, T, very much. Thanks for the opportunity to read and respond.

-H