SUBJECT>Re: poem with subtitles POSTER>David Ayers EMAIL>ayersd@bellsouth.net DATE>1109303983 IP_ADDRESS>adsl-215-161-53.aep.bellsouth.net PASSWORD>aad8wJMWsCmq2 PREVIOUS>83702 NEXT> IMAGE> LINKNAME> LINKURL>

like... like...

geez, you know i hadn't noticed how prevalent this was until you pointed it out. i have to think about it. tho i do feel that snow like wax is different than waxy snow, somehow.

imagine a child, for example, on first hearing the word 'waxy':

Daddy, what's waxy?

Uh, it means like wax.

as a parent i can verify this exchange because it happens virtually every day. not that my answer is necessarily right, but that's the one i give.

although i wasn't necessarily thinking of a child when i wrote this. curious.

anyway, i appreciate your take on this. a bit different, something i didn't really plan to write but ended up writing. i sort of like it.

--D

: david--absolutely lovely, ironic, tender. My
: only problem is with the similes...I've been
: recently taught to question their necessity.
: IE why is language inadequate to express a
: thing as it is? I guess it may be more a
: question of taste. I thought the title could
: be made more detailed in some way...although
: I like it, it may not be interesting enough
: for other readers? You may simply say
: "waxy" for the snow. I get the
: sense that the narrator is pretty close to
: the child...you know it reminds me of some
: of the romantic poetry, but with an incisive
: and ironic humour behind it. I emphasize the
: behind it, although there are many textual
: clues...so I suggest allowing the sort of
: merging into the child mind and allowing the
: snow to be "waxy". perhaps a child
: would see it in this way. A few echoes of
: Rilke in here. I think I had problems with
: the forth last strophe because it did sound
: overly...dunno. Maybe it was intended and
: don't have enough time to do a better
: critique.

: poem with subtitles