SUBJECT>Re: Saab Story POSTER>Christopher T George EMAIL>editorcg@yahoo.com DATE>1109358095 IP_ADDRESS>mail.acog.org PASSWORD>aaXga4uf0tS3k PREVIOUS>83914 NEXT> 83929 IMAGE> LINKNAME> LINKURL>

: Note: Frantic plea: Help!

: Saab Story

: It's in the comfortable dark
: that her hand snakes and yanks
: the keys from the ignition.
: Everything stops.
: He wants to leave her
: in the ditch but a Saab
: stops him--good Samaritan,
: already dialing for a tow.

: In the Saab's cross hair
: headlights she slings the keys
: to the weeds where we are
: watching, surely, a rehearsal
: murder. From our angle
: his hand could be a knife,
: her heart a gun.

: Here the projector jerks, knocks
: like a shot lifter. Lights flash on
: their faces from hillbilly cops,
: straight out of celluloid, swaggering
: into the still, steamy, post-rain
: road. The Saab's idling helpfully by
: the center line, lights set

: for stunning close-ups.
: She makes a move in the dark,
: a quick cop makes the shot,
: and all the stars come out
: for the denouement. It's loss
: again, the Samaritan
: too unknown to survive
: the fade-away

: to his credit.

Hi Ash

Good idea for a poem. Is this a film noir you are writing about? If so it might help to get in more details, character names, actor names, more description of period clothes worn, mannerisms, etc.

The poem kind of tails off at the end as if you knew it was a good theme for a poem but didn't know how to end it. So the poem just fritters away.

The better part of the poem might actually be in the first two stanzas whereas once the projector is introduced the poem begins to lose some steam. It's just playacting after all. Try to stay on the edge as you begin with and the ambiguity of the probable rehearsal murder, or leadup to an actual murder.

The title is too coy and you can do better. The poem is dealing with meatier issues than the title implies.

All my best

Chris