SUBJECT>Re: Rock Challenge: When I Opened the Envelope POSTER>Bowen EMAIL> DATE>1109368317 IP_ADDRESS>cache-dtc-ac04.proxy.aol.com PREVIOUS>83926 NEXT> 83961 IMAGE> LINKNAME> LINKURL>

Laurel,

So strange. I taught this story last night in Comp II. If you add up the weights, they add up to the weight of a dead human body (you probably knew that).

Anyhoo, nice work, but not completely sold on it---but almost. It might lean a little heavily on O'Brien's own words. The "gum" part reminded me of your "spacing teeth" poem I read once (Gumball Poetry?). Don't know why though, now.

So I'm iffy on this.

Ash

: When I Opened the Envelope, a Pebble Fell Out
: (for Tim O'Brien)

: I didn’t know where to put the rock
: so I tucked it in my mouth, sucked its salt,
: rolled it under my tongue like a tooth lost
: in childhood—loose, a typo of the brain, a mis-
: thought, a slip, Freudian?—maybe--wiggled,
: niggled but the root
: still clinging, refused to let go of the gun—
: yep, another one, gum goes without saying—while
: marching, up, up,
: up the kill—

: hill—like a zealot or a zombie, her world the
: size and shape
: of a bullet rattling, loosed,
: and me a camouflaged Atlas hauling her gift,
: humping the preferred verb which would make her
: white legs
: squirm, her Dear Jimmy, remember

: when we sat next to each other at the movies so
: close
: you could see the veins in my wrist and the
: dark ran its hands
: over us as Bonnie and Clyde got shot
: full of holes--I saw it in your eyes
: when you hesitated then didn’t kiss me
: goodnight, rattling
: like the rock inside and I can’t stop, up, up,
: up I taste blood

: Dear Jimmy, here’s a pebble I found in the
: sand where land
: ended and the waves began--
: when I picked it up, a riptide pulled and
: pulled at my ankles
: and all I want is to lay down in my boots, tuck
: this tooth
: under my pillow Dear Jimmy,
: here’s something to remember me by
: and dream of your untouchable knees, Martha.