SUBJECT>Re: Dull POSTER>Sherry EMAIL>ranch@rocketmail.com DATE>1109470415 IP_ADDRESS>69-161-206-253.clspco.adelphia.net PASSWORD>aapDmzY55pzBE PREVIOUS>83953 NEXT> 83987 IMAGE> LINKNAME> LINKURL>
Dear David,
Don't title your poem Dull! *grin*
Inlines:
: Dull
When I was young, I hated
all things Indian and Hindu
because a girl in tenth grade English class
could speak fluent French and seemed to know
what the Bhagavad-Gita was.
I'm sorry, those line breaks were calling out me. Ignore me, I'll understand.
: And(,) later(,) when I really did
: spend two years driving (a) cab in
: New York City and never once
: saw Larry at the Belmore
: cafeteria sitting with a book
: while the rest of us played gin.
This phrase is incomplete.
"And, because later, when, what?"
: [But whenever] much much later(,) now(,)
What does this line mean? Maybe leave out But whenever.
: I walk outside into the dawn
: around [this] (my) house(,) hard-up
: against the pasture bordering
: the subdivision. One cow always
: looks at me[, just looks at me.]
I really enjoyed the hook at the end. I just don't think it needs to be repeated. It will be stronger said only once.
s.