SUBJECT>Re: "Roofers" POSTER>Christopher T George EMAIL>editorcg@yahoo.com DATE>1109877764 EMAILNOTICES>no IP_ADDRESS>mail.acog.org PASSWORD>aaXga4uf0tS3k PREVIOUS>83821 NEXT> 84171 IMAGE> LINKNAME> LINKURL>

: Note: there is a long thread at QED Poetry
: relevant to this piece; it is in the
: "Question of Taste" section of
: QED, and it is entitled "The
: Transparent Rebus ..."; the URL for QED
: Poetry is: http://www.qedpoetry.com

: "Roofers"

: Before this poem is completely written out
: Another house will go up down the street,
: roofed by guys who know what they're about,
: some Mexicans who laugh at southern US heat.

: I've never seen one bandaged buying beer -
: mistakes do not come naturally to them;
: except, of course, the one that brought them
: here
: from where they live to this, our New
: Jerusalem.

: It's not like after a vacation, when you shake
: the last sand from your shoes on your return,
: these guys have made a deal to pick up stakes,
: to step off ladders onto clay, not earth.

: Life allowed me once to live it where I should,
: a Vineyard winter laying up glass hulls,
: just to get a chance to work with wood
: the times the glass shop had production lulls.

: While the curved sweeps of the black molds
: idled
: like drydocked memories avoided by Odysseus,
: they'd tell us to saw four-by-fours for
: cradles,
: or something equally unskilled and tedious.

: But sometimes, though, the wood-shop foreman
: Lee
: would crown a lucky guy apprentice-for-the-day,
: then give him something that required handling
: teak,
: with all ruined stock to be deducted fom his
: pay.

: The day that my turn came a Gay Head highschool
: boy,
: with deftness way above the shop curriculum in
: wood,
: arrived for part-time work all ready to annoy
: anyone and everyone - his skills were just that
: good.

: Lee told the kid to cut a simple cover for a
: hatch,
: all four sides to have a bevel and a shallow
: curve
: and laughing then, told me to make its match,
: if, that is, I thought I had the nerve.

: The kid was sanding his a couple minutes later
: when Lee told me to put my stock away because
: he knew how little I was getting paid, or
: else he needed some stock left for cabin doors.

: After work and after our first beer that night,
: Lee told me what he thought that everyone
: should do -
: to find out what it is exactly you do right
: and stick to that, make sure you see it
: through.

: So here I am three decades after Lee's advice
: and willing finally to take it since he knew.
: Don't you think this poem's prosody is nice,
: its rhymes and breaks in syntax matching as
: they do?

Hi David

Since the rhymes don't match the last statement is rendered absurd. In fact the rhyming is inconsistent at best.

No exact rhyme achieved at all in this stanza--

It's not like after a vacation, when you shake
the last sand from your shoes on your return,
these guys have made a deal to pick up stakes,
to step off ladders onto clay, not earth.

In this one "later" and "paid, or" kind of rhyme

The kid was sanding his a couple minutes later
when Lee told me to put my stock away because
he knew how little I was getting paid, or
else he needed some stock left for cabin doors.

No rhyme here on "Lee" and "teak"--

But sometimes, though, the wood-shop foreman Lee
would crown a lucky guy apprentice-for-the-day, then give him something that required handling teak,
with all ruined stock to be deducted fom his pay.

Your line breaks on "pay, or" and "foreman Lee" etc might also be criticized.

Chris