SUBJECT>Re: Biting the Hand POSTER>Jude Goodwin EMAIL>jude@goodwinstudios.com DATE>1110005421 IP_ADDRESS>S0106000d933a93d0.vn.shawcable.net PASSWORD>aaVJ1mJgvTfiY PREVIOUS>84173 NEXT> IMAGE> LINKNAME> LINKURL>

Hey Laurel

There are a lot of one-line crits on the block these days. have you noticed? I have the time tonight and because Hansel and Gretel have always been one of my favourite weird tales, I wanted to stop by here

Biting the Hand

For years afterwards, she fed the forest
saucers of soured milk, bruised apples,
the molded ends of week-old bread
and bowls of cold porridge, respectful

This is a good start but I think the list is longer than it needs to be. the milk and apples are enough and the rest don't really even have any cool sounds to add . I like how the title fits the first few lines though - gives the impression of the forest as an animal.

of its appetite, a voracious mouth wide
as the hag’s that she never saw in herself
except at night when her eyes would roll
back in her head, and legs unhinged
as the oven door, she would gulp and gulp
the little boy, biting her hand to gag
the noise: Sounds like you’re dying,
he’d pant. Meat stuffed in her mouth,
she could never reply: I am.

This is great stuff, love legs unhinged as the oven door (would rather see unhinged like the oven door). My only problem is the following reference to a little girl.. Now Im confused as to who is putting out the soured milk and who is the hag with legs unhinged gulping the little boy.

She fed
the forest to remind herself it wasn’t
the crone that had tried to swallow them.

The forest wasn't the crone? or the crone wasn't who tried to swallow them? Im gulping here -

Still, every dawn was a small miracle,
a once upon time again as the little girl
opened the door the forest had pressed
upon all night long trying to get in, to find
the saucer dry as bone and the bowl
licked clean. Not even a crumb littered
the forest floor, and the rosy cheeks
were gone, seeds and core, eaten.

Cool ending. Just wish I could resolve the hag/little girl thing.

nicely done
Jude