SUBJECT>Re: Coffee POSTER>David Halitsky EMAIL>dhalitsky@cumulativeinquiry.com DATE>1110481698 IP_ADDRESS>adsl-19-254-171.bna.bellsouth.net PASSWORD>aa2CpqTRwrBWA PREVIOUS>84532 NEXT> 84559 IMAGE> LINKNAME> LINKURL>
Jude Goodwin -
Excellent control of the meter and the rhymes are
reasonably unobtrusive.
Some things you might wanna think about:
1) these are all "expected" adjectives; hence weak.
oily, darkened waxy
black and steel egg white
2) its perfect body
Was it Suzanne by Leonard Cohen with this phrase ?
Maybe it generates an off-read you don't want.
3) the perfect cup of time
Oh come on! Have some fun! Go for the pun!
the perfect cusp of time
Serious about this.
Regards
David Halitsky