SUBJECT>Re: Detour (Waiting for Ann Savage) POSTER>alex stolis EMAIL>baudelairious@aol.com DATE>1110655112 IP_ADDRESS>cache-rtc-ac03.proxy.aol.com PASSWORD>aatVdSJjThF22 PREVIOUS>84684 NEXT> IMAGE> LINKNAME> LINKURL>

Jenn

thanks for stopping by

glad you enjoyed and yes

I have a revision somewhere.

this is part of a series...

got one posted over at melic right now

might send it over here

thanks again

appreciate it

peace

: Ohhh, I love this. And I see that you are
: already revising, so I'll leave it at that.

: Ok, well, and just a few suggestions below. :)

: Enjoyed very much, Alex. The tone, the drive,
: the 'noir' -- will most definitely read it
: again.

: I'll bet this is fabulous to listen to.

: Jenn

: There is an ocean somewhere and I can [smell
: the salt -- because I want to get to that
: crash and the hard k sounds faster. hmmm..
: though i do like that salt smell on his
: arm... well... i'm not much help here am i?
: on my arm,] hear the crash of a wave against
: the front
: fender. I didn’t kill anyone but karma tends to
: peel
: back good intentions. Her hair falls just
: right, the cut
: of her jeans against a Joshua tree is all I
: need to imagine
: the next few days. She tells me to put the top
: down,
: I don’t want to refuse her anything
: but I want to keep the moment caged and
: quiet(,) -- quiet/open isn't working for
: me, so I suggested the comma.
: open air will send this frame flying in every
: direction.
: She has all the time we need, holds all the
: cards
: but I don’t realize any of this until it’s too
: late.
: LA seems close enough to handle -- love this
: -- (but i really think you should add a
: comma here)
: she smiles then tells me "No one needs to
: know
: who you are just don’t tell them your
: destination."
: Her voice strays—an ivory moon echoes
: off the rearview makes me want to bury
: the last straw someplace deep. I’m an open book
: with dog-eared pages and a broken spine.
: She is relentless, breathtaking, I wish I had
: died
: in my sleep [but the faster we drive the slower
: my heart
: beats—she’s read the final chapter but won’t
: tell how it ends.]