SUBJECT>Re: At the Bar (Revised slightly) POSTER>Barbara Silberg EMAIL>barbaralynnsilberg@msn.com DATE>1110767533 IP_ADDRESS>dialup-207-218-212-2.ev1.net PASSWORD>aa.b5wqTi2o36 PREVIOUS>84729 NEXT> IMAGE> LINKNAME> LINKURL>

I like the revise. Quirky subject matter, to say the least. See below for a couple of inline suggestions. Feel free to ignor them, but I do think present tense throughout all but the last would be more effective. --Barbara S.

: At the bar, my father tells everyone three
: dirty jokes
: are all he knows. For a dollar he’ll tell [us]
: the plots[,](;) the punch lines
: are five more. No takers(,) but one lady

: wonders if we’re driving
: the hearse curbed outside. We nod like the
: funeral directors
: we are in commercials[,](--) sincere(,)

: [but] smiley. Once in a while a girl gets itchy
: to know(,) so we put her in
: the back, slap on the lid, tell her to
: pretend, close her eyes

: even. They come and go(,) but dead
: ones you don’t forget[,](.) [m]Mother [said](says)
: death mean[t](s) no repeats[,](.) Do-overs
: [were](are) for hair salons. To her, it [was](is) no joke,
: but tonight

: two guys walked in(to) a bar, sat down, (and)
: said, Notice us. For six dollars
: we could change your mood.