SUBJECT>Re: ps POSTER>AnnMarie Eldon EMAIL>AEldon1@aol.com DATE>1111130115 IP_ADDRESS>ACC977E3.ipt.aol.com PASSWORD>aamj9SPBIdXow PREVIOUS>84940 NEXT> 84969 IMAGE> LINKNAME> LINKURL>

Don't know whether I can stick to your exact requirements on how to critique this. I'm not saying anything on length since I nearly will always take a piece as-is. On first read the transitions seem fine exact I wanted to (add) one more onto a 'now'

eg

since you have

What was that language now: meaning

you could use a () on your first 'now' which appears

was verdant-- now
: space crowds, always an audition

to

was verdant-- (now)
space crowds, always an audition

since you're moving in and out in a memory sense too. This may be off - it's too early in the morning here...

AnnMarie

: Dear Critics,

: Tell me where the transitions may be off; where
: the poem says too much, too little etc. I
: know its a long piece to post, but I don't
: write shorter pieces, so. I appreciate the
: consideration.

: Best,

: Asher

: Afterwords