SUBJECT>Re: Not Tonight POSTER>Barbara Silberg EMAIL>barbaralynnsilberg@msn.com DATE>1111967432 IP_ADDRESS>dialup-207-218-201-208.ev1.net PASSWORD>aa.b5wqTi2o36 PREVIOUS>85530 NEXT> 85573 IMAGE> LINKNAME> LINKURL>

Hey, Jude! Good work, but it could be a little tighter. Some inline suggestions below. --Barbara S.

: Not tonight

: What else can he do?
: There is no [long box,] no coffin,
: so he builds one out of silence
: [and darkness]
: and he leaves me there unrescued
: for days, sometimes
: weeks. There are windows -
: I watch the breezy willow
: flip pussy coins along its knuckles
: I watch the magnolia bloom its (soccer)moon(s)[balls].
: When he returns I close the slats,
: hush the baby, sit on my hands.
: His presence fills the foyer like a countdown.
: I hear his unwashed breathing
: as he bends to his boots.
: Tonight he doesn't speak.
: It's my fault. {I'd pull this line apart and start the next:}In the garden(,) evening blows
: down and down the long silver throat
: of our Grosbeak chimes.