SUBJECT>diction among the ruins POSTER>David Halitsky EMAIL>dhalitsky@cumulativeinquiry.com DATE>1112155110 IP_ADDRESS>adsl-146-157-43.bna.bellsouth.net PASSWORD>aa2CpqTRwrBWA PREVIOUS>85647 NEXT> 85649 IMAGE> LINKNAME> LINKURL>

ryan -

To me, the strength of this piece lies in a quasi-consistent diction which can be sensed despite the form in which you choose to write.

For this reason, I would reconsider:

"it became another worthless rock."

and

"vincent's found ear"

These are simply trite.

The strongest lines, in my opinion, are:

here a potato eater
here a ravenswarm
here a wheatsea

Forgive me for suggesting a rewrite, but these make me think that the piece should be re-centered around the image of a gravedigger, and that the three lines above should start the piece. The piece could then be developed as a post-modern riff on Yorick, in line with your own use of the word "soliloquy".

See - no matter how hard you try to escape the canon, you find it it is there, and in your own words no less.

Best regards
David Halitsky