SUBJECT>Re: THE WOMAN SPEAKS POSTER>ryan EMAIL> DATE>1112629262 EMAILNOTICES>no IP_ADDRESS>client1.imake.com PASSWORD>aaYfRWN2Zn1KM PREVIOUS>85706 NEXT> IMAGE> LINKNAME> LINKURL>

i just wanted to offer a few quick comments

a few crits:

+not sure about offering the reader any insight into the emotions of God (i.e, hung his head in lament). especially ending the line on "hung, which breaks with the implication of death/lifeless 'ness.

+i would consider using indef. article instead of The - since The is so specific - it seems to yell-out "this is not me - this is biblical"

+i would loose the epigraph - i didnt feel it fit - even if the poem is based on it loosely or tight.

+the tone is too distant - i knew, i knew, i knew: (where are you?)(what do you know now?) - the past tense, in this write - lends itself to the idea that you are going to provide something gained by this knowledge, but the poem kinda fails to provide that - i was waiting for the bang - but it just ended with the repitition that you are the mother. (but for what reason?)

+the opening seemed too editorial