SUBJECT>Re: After Infidelity POSTER>mrslovett EMAIL> DATE>1112889590 IP_ADDRESS>users.csosa.gov PASSWORD>aa2DVlvQ0GF9o PREVIOUS>85887 NEXT> 85950 IMAGE> LINKNAME> LINKURL>

Bowen,

I like this. It moves easily through and around its difficult subject, and provides a fine example of how to use a title to good effect. Here, it provides a framework for the poem so you don't have to spend a lot of time on exposition. We know why we're here, and knowing, we can read the poem in the climate you've established.

That said, I think there are a few heavy-footed moments. Some comments within:

: After Infidelity

: Summer again and the field is stacked
: with good intentions. In the kitchen,
: we’ve thrown the last of our allegations
: out open windows.

Lovely. For my part, I wouldn't change a syllable here.

: In the bedroom, our daughter is reading
: a story of how beans become magic.

Do you really mean "how beans become magic"? I tend to think of Jack's beans as essentially magical, in that the beanstalk provides a ladder from one world to another. Maybe I'm making too much out of this, but I think the notion of "giving" magic could be useful later in the poem, and "become" is a rather lackluster verb anyway.

: At the table he’s studying his palms
: under the yellow light of the room;

Again, "yellow light of the room" is a bit blah. You could probably find something better.

: the blisters he sees are other wounds
: he’s made without a single touch

: to my skin. When I wash
: the supper dishes of their uneaten dinners,
: I imagine a car parked at the end
: of the road. Its lights flash twice an offer

A little confusion. Did "he" make the wounds to "my" skin? That confuses me, and I wonder if it should be the other way around--the "I" wounded "his" skin without touching it.

: of escape. But I turn
: my eyes back to the thin dishwater.
: Beans float on the greasy film and I scoop,
: cup them like miracles waiting to happen.

I wouldn't do the "scoop, / cup" break here. One is enough (personally, I like "cup" since it ties into the dishes). "[G]reay fil" is also a bit shopworn. Also, I'm not sure "waiting" is the right word--not enough portent? Maybe "like imminent miracles" or something?

It's funny--I think this poem has potent strengths and establishes a wonderful atmosphere, like we're watching a film with no sound. But I also think you could reach for more surprising language and sharpen the effect without losing the easy, somewhat distant tone that I find very appealing. A tall order, but I think it's worth the effort.

Anyway, just some thoughts. Thanks for the chance to respond.