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It turns out there was something dreadfully wrong. A moist blotted off-colored yellowish spot suggested centipedes, excretions, swarms. That was fine. The couch was the only thing in there. The door to the outside didn't open and technically it didn't lock either. Sometimes grandpa dead bolted the door to the house so no one could get out. It
didn't matter. There was something drastically wrong. It reached a point where K didn't want to know. Something was wrong down there. K could recognize many dreadful symptoms. There were too many wrinkles and the skin kept growing. Sometimes the lips closed and grew into
each other. K would have to pry them back open while grandpa was asleep and couldn't see. Her clit was gone. Sometimes K felt hot, a little scratchy. Grandpa couldn't talk about anything but novel cancer medicines. Josie wouldn't touch K at all. Once K fell asleep on
grandpa's couch under the dead spot in the wall. K decided to have a baby. In her dream no one would be her friend. K went to the same café every day so the other people with strollers would talk to her. K could almost touch them. They all hobnobbed, chunky and ruddy, and K wasn't either of those, but she wasn't gaunt. There was something
seriously wrong. Now K's mouth was the better cunt. People looked at her mouth when she talked and saw real woman-lips; when she spoke it was to a pornographic extent, she got attention, people loved her again. K dreamed a diagram of how they slaughter cows: line them up, put their heads down on the block. First legs then scoot up forward down the track then they get to the heads. Chop. By the time K realized in her dream that no one in the café would talk to her it was too late. She'd broken her baby's heart. He was going to be a screwed-up kid. K wheeled him off to the other end of the restaurant. K tried to pretend like she had planned it all. It wasn't true. K hadn't planned it which isn't to say K hadn't been expecting something like it. During that period of her life grandpa's breath was overwhelming moldy. He had a lake in his stomach. He was bloated. There were creatures. K expected snakes to crawl out of his mouth but
he always woke up. He would snore himself awake. When grandpa found out he was ill he put on a bowtie and hasn't taken it off. Maybe when he showered he put it on the toilet. They showered in the guest bathroom in the house. His couch was under the stain. It was plaid. The windows were so high up in the door that no light got down to their level. There was no heat. The house in comparison was like a
temple. When K opened the door to go in and use the toilet a warm light came about two feet in. It was ovular. It got as far as her but never as far as the couch.



closed garage door


allison carter